I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
