And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
