I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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