"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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