you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
