i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
