Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
