He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
