Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
