The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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