Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
