This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
