I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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