Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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