i think i have two assholes
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
