I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Girls should come with a carfax report
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
