Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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