i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
