just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
