We're facebook friends in real life
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
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