I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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