dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
