and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
