The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
