About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
