After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Two words: blizzard sex
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
