Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
