Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
