if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
