My nipple is on Facebook.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
