We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
