The maid of honor just puked.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
