When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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