I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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