Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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