her vagine was all disorganized.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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