When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
