Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
