she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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