So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
