Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
