she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
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Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
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