I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
The best revenge is premature balding
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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