whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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