so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
