Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
