The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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