Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
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my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
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I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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