I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
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I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
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So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I need to calm my uterus...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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