SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
