one word: firstdatebathroomanal
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
