dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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