But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
