I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
