Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
