You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
