I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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