LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
