Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
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you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
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I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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