A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
