I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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