You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
