God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
