Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My liver just had a heart attack.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
