dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
