oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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