Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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