his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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