its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
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I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
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I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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