I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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