Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
