haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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