oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
