dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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