bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
