if i died would you start the facebook group?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
