I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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